Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I feel grateful.

For the people in my life who loves me, and hurt me. Cuz every single one of you have moulded me into who I am today.

I'm an easily contented person. And I'm truly grateful for having 3 homes i can go back to, as well as a sweet husband i vow to take care of all of my life. Yup I wanna take care of him, and of course I want him to do the same thing as well. One sided love would be too tiring ain't it?

We've moved in last friday into our love nest. It felt funny and weird... We did only one trip with just the 2 of us after dinner. And we finished unpacking immediately after that.

Totally felt like we're staying in a chalet even till now. On saturday, we went out for grocery shopping and lunch. Dan came back home and went out after a call to help his friend run an errand.

He was supposed to whip up birthday dinner for me but I was happy to do it anyway. I spent the afternoon watching TV and making roasted asparagus and mushrooms and baked potato skins.

It was also my first time searing a steak. And I succeeded! It turned out a perfect medium rare! I was totally amazed =) and absolutely delighted!

The happy boy then came back home to a lovely ribeye steak for dinner and leftover moscato from girls' night in on thursday night.

And then we moved to cake cutting with the chocolate cake he bought from Bukit Timah and failed to keep as a surprise. Haha~

On Monday, Dan and i met up with Yixian and Sandy for dinner in Shabu no Koya again at Liang Court. When we were at Mohamed Sultan, we went into The Patisserie and Yixian got me to pick my own cake. Haha~ Well, she said no more romancing cuz we've all known each other too well heheh.

Dinner was awesome. With the whole new pork bone broth, the experience was amazing! And we were all super full but my birthday cake was just too good to miss.

I'll definitely get the cake again! Haha and i dun wanna even find an excuse to have a cake hee =)

Last night after work, Dan came and fetched me home. He brought home a surprise for me too. Mother in-law specially cooked red wine chicken mee sua for me. Complete with 2 hard boiled eggs. It totally slipped my mind that I used to have mee sua with egg every year for birthday.

It was such a pleasant surprise. She didn't even cook red wine chicken for the entire family, it was for me, specially =) haha I love it so much as usual hee.

And I really do feel so loved. Especially by my 2 sisters as well. They might as well be my real sisters haha. Love u girls! And love u Dan, the man of my life!

Posted by reticent_aura at 7/11/2012 05:28:00 PM

Sunday, July 01, 2012

It feels like.....

Having mixed feelings about certain stuff. It's this situation whereby you wish it could be better, and also you wish you've got an alternative.

Yesterday I had an awesome time with Dan's family. We got up early to prepare some ingredients for the DIY popiah session. The session always turn out great but probably i had yoo high expectations of myself.

I wanna look good in front of my husband's family. Maybe that's why sometimes i put such great pressure on myself, i just don't feel like i've stepped up to the game. Just feels weird, im not so happy with my 'performance' yesterday, but i don't know which way i can do better as well. FYI, nth went wrong, it just feels inadequate.

Then i start to think of stupid thoughts like 'Crap, my apartment is so small, it's so difficult to play xbox kinetic smoothly or damn it, it's difficult to have everyone sit down nicely and enjoy durians or god, why didn't i choose a better and not so filmsy dining table.'

Then at the end of the night, I told myself - Fuck it, this is who i am. And this is the best i can do now currently. I dun want to put on a charade, but i just can't help it.

I like my husband's family. They're a happy go lucky bunch who always laugh alot and knows how to have fun.

But i really do yearn for my own kins so so pretty damn much. They do not laugh as much, in fact they worry alot about money all the time due to circumstances. But when i did have fun with them, those were the best days of my entire life. Dan's family really treats me very well, but, there's always a but. I do not grow up with them, im still getting to know them better each day. I find myself never ever being able to pull our relationship closer than this. As much as I dislike my own dad, I'll still help him out whenever i can. As much as i hate to see my mum being moody, my face still lights up when i see her and i really do love her alot.

Let's put this in another context. It's like u being in a relationship with a person yet it's just very mundane. And all along, maybe in a corner of ur heart, u still feel the tug of ur heart when u see ur first love or that special person ur heart beats wildly for. That's where my family stands.

I feel different this time round. I can't wait to live on my own with Dan now. And I wouldn't cry the first night im away from my own home this time. Because, this IS my real home now.

Posted by reticent_aura at 7/01/2012 11:56:00 AM